This is how I substitute Reality

silentsandlight

I have to write this down, in hopes of some kind of inner release. i have to write this down to escape that person sleeping on my bed now and to run away from that seeemingly indifferent air of the room. i have to write this down coz i no longer know the difference between truth and lie, honesty and deception ---you and me.

I no longer know how to trust you ---even if your doin nothing wrong. i cant convince myself that you're all mine, that every minute that you're away is a truthful minute of nothing but me and loyalty. it tears me up, knowing that I'm not safe with my thoughts and your 'semi-assurance' of a 'seemingly forever love affair'. lying next to you feels like a head trauma. i cant hear myself, i cant feel you, i can no longer see the same old you i fell inlove with (and worst, i cant hold on you without thinking that your here coz you simply 'got used to Us ---no more love, just a habit of shore).

i cant even trust you when you're around MY friends, everything seems to be a blur of you hitting on them or vice versa ---at least thats how it works for me and my brain. I cant really feel you, i can no longer feel myself. i want my old self back, i want the old you i fell inlove with. i want the old you. =(

I really love you, but as the song goes: "You can't play on broken strings".
i cant convince myself, so after this, after you wake up, i'm going to do what's necessary.